


Retribution Part 4

by fyrbyrd



Series: Retribution [4]
Category: The A-Team (TV)
Genre: M/M, Mental Breakdown
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-30
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:14:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28423803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fyrbyrd/pseuds/fyrbyrd
Summary: Murdock is catatonic.
Relationships: H. M. "Howling Mad" Murdock/Templeton "Faceman" Peck
Series: Retribution [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2046479
Kudos: 6





	Retribution Part 4

.A. had always been their home, they had all found a place there before and now they were back. Only this time they were free men. Free of Stockwell and all his games, free of any Decker's or Fulbright's and their kind. They had pardons, they had their own places, but they weren't the A-Team any more.

They did occasional jobs, but it was never the same. It was just a source of much needed funds. Hannibal's plans were always straight and to the point. Face turned on the charm when needed. B.A did the driving and the muscle work and Frankie did some special effects and backup work when they needed a fourth man. But they had no air support anymore and there were times in the van when everyone was quiet that they could physically feel the missing presence. There was no fun, no jazz in the team. It was always just a job that needed doing for the money. There were no freebies.

Both Face and the Colonel lived in separate apartments in Westwood, not far from the V.A. hospital which they visited daily. And if one could not make it, they arranged so that the other could. B.A. and Frankie only went there on special occasions.

H.M. Murdock had come home almost a year before, but he did not know it. There were those there that remembered him from his long years in room 104, but things were different now. Now he was housed in another section on his own. He needed constant care because he was essentially a body without a functioning brain, catatonic. It was like he was in a coma, but the only part of his body that needed healing was his mind, everything else worked perfectly.

Face greeted Nurse Perkins as he left Murdock's room. It was merely an acknowledgement of her presence, nothing more. There were only rare occasions that his old feminizing ways came into practice, these being when out on a night on the town with Hannibal, otherwise he let it be. Especially at the hospital, even though he was grateful of their presence for Murdock's sake.

As usual he went to the bedside, he kissed Murdock on the brow and sat down to talk. It was always a one way conversation, mixing old stories, events of the day and imploration of coming back. He always talked almost solidly for an hour, then just sat back in silence until visiting time was over. If the Colonel was there too, which was usually the case, then they talked together. There was only one unspoken rule, nothing negative was ever said in that room and there was never any mentions of the events that put Murdock there.

Yet there was never any sign of recovery. The doctors had given up months ago, but his friends never would, even if it meant doing the same thing year after year, it was something they would do.

Darkness was comfort, it was all he knew or could ever remember knowing. And apart from murmurs in the distance, there was no sound, only complete peace. It was all he ever wanted for a long time and it was only the persistent murmurs that really kept him there. If they would only go away, he was sure he would learn what absolute peace was, only they didn't.

A point of light was the next disturbance. It just appeared out of nowhere and it made the murmurs a little clearer. And the damn thing was growing little by little, he wished it wouldn't, it made him go back that little step further away from the absolute he craved. And yet it brought something more with it. Something he could only perceive as warmth. He didn't really comprehend it, all he knew was darkness, murmurs, now there was light, warmth. And three of those things pulled away from the one. The one he would rather had stayed with, the one he had known the longest, darkness, which had another meaning, comfort. The rest also had another meaning, uncomfortable.

Then there was new and old, and peace and sound. Then there was a slowing down in the process, backwards, or a continuance, forwards. But it was slow and that came on its own.

The Colonel and Face saw Murdock's doctor on their way to his room. The doctor was standing in the middle of the corridor in thought.

"Hi Doc, how's things," said Hannibal as they neared him.

"Oh, fine Colonel, just fine."

They passed him.

"Oh, wait a minute, Colonel Smith, I must talk with you."

They stopped and he walked to them.

"Do you know what REM is?" asked the doctor.

"REM?" said Face.

"Rapid Eye Movement," answered Hannibal.

"Yes, that's it exactly. Your friend has been showing signs of it lately."

"Murdock!" exclaimed Face.

"Yes. My colleges and I are not sure what it means, but it means something. It is a sign of course, after a year it is a sign."

The Colonel and Face were off immediately to Murdock's room. This one small sign excited them with hope. Yet they found him as he had always been. Expectation had carried them high until then, now they felt let down. Still there was hope.

He did not know how he knew what these things were, but he knew them. He now had a very long list of things he knew about and it kept growing. Especially with images. They came in confusing rushes, most of them were identified as people, places, things, separating them was difficult. Some of them were even fuzzy and dim. There was one that emitted something he found was love. Yet he had no real image to cling to.

"It's your mother."

He skipped a beat, this was something entirely new. He knew it was a voice. Soon the voice, which he realized had always been there since he left the darkness, was telling him more about the images he saw.

And the voices on the outside were louder. And he knew who they were. Face and the Colonel.

"There is a lot of brain activity. Yes, he is coming out of it," began the doctor.

Smiles lit up the two faces before him. But he was not smiling.

"Gentlemen, this awakening will bring new problems. You did not tell me what you know about the events that sent Murdock into this state. It had to have been something quite intolerable considering the other things he went through before this. He handled the torture, the rapes, even before this. Perhaps going through it again was too much or at least contributed to this, but it was something more. If we are to give him a complete recovery, you will have to tell me of the things that did send him over the edge."

The Colonel and Face looked at each other with serious faces.

"Even we are not sure of all the details, Doc," stated the Colonel, "We found him just as he was going to shoot himself. I don't think he knew we were there."

"I only reached him as he pulled the trigger. The bullet only missed him," added Face.

"Yes, but you do know of the trail that led to him trying. And that I need to know."

Again Face and the Colonel looked to each other. Nobody but themselves knew the story. It had been covered up by Stockwell and it was a crime. Though Murdock had had a very good reason, he had slaughtered General Van Chen in cold blood. His death had been covered up by Stockwell, making the whole thing look like Van Chen had been killed by anti-communist Vietnamese Americans. It was the only way to also avert and international incident and keep the true facts hidden.

"Please gentlemen, what you tell me will be confidential, but I must know it all."

The Colonel nodded with Face, they would have to tell him everything.

They went over the whole story from the appearance of Van Chen in Langley of his taking them to the ranch, Van Chen's recapture of Murdock and subsequent tortures and humiliations. Face especially told of the reason why Van Chen wanted Murdock so badly. That the man wanted Murdock to love him at all costs. He told of being with Murdock after the whipping, but still he could not tell of what happened before Van Chen returned, rather he took it up from witnessing Van Chen's brutal rape of Murdock, his being returned to the barn and Van Chen's taking off with Murdock.

The Colonel then took over, "Van Chen did not realize there was not much gas in the car when he took off, so he did not get very far. We trailed them to a ghost town, Van Chen had taken Murdock into an old hotel what he did there we will only know from Murdock. When we got there... we found Van Chen in one of the rooms... his wrists had been slashed... we do not think he did it himself and as well as that... he had been shot in the groin."

The doctor was nodding to himself.

"Murdock wasn't there so we went to find him, he had wandered not far from the town, he was kneeling on the ground. He lifted the gun to his head and as Face said, if he had not rushed Murdock, he would be dead. Still Murdock collapsed and he was as he was when you took him back here."

Silence settled over the three. Face and the Colonel sat worriedly waiting. The doctor was considering their story with a very serious face.

Finally after some time had passed, the doctor looked up.

"I am not surprised by what you have told me. This General Van Chen pushed Murdock to the edge, Murdock finally got the chance to take revenge. The fact that it was a cold blooded act is understandable too, and from Murdock's records, several psychiatrists noted the possibility of something like that happening. Murdock is a man who does not like to be pushed, he tends to push back or become angry. And to be treated like that, to be broken, to be humiliated in front of those he cares most about... What Murdock did would be called murder, but who would blame him for it."

Both the Colonel and Face nodded with the doctor, but he turned serious again.

"Still, I do not think this is what turned Murdock to seek death. He had had his revenge on his torturer, there would be no more pain of that kind again. No, it had to be more than that and I now see that only he could tell us what that is." The doctor seemed concerned, "I thank you gentlemen. I believe that it is only through your encouragement that Murdock had begun to recover, but we have much more ahead of us."

The doctor stood as the pair did and they shook hands. The Colonel headed for the door, but Face lingered.

"May I speak with you, doctor?" asked Face.

The doctor nodded, but Face turned to the Colonel about to go out. The Colonel saw the look on Face and continued out. He knew Face wanted to speak alone with the doctor.  
"What is it, Mr. Peck?"

Face sat down, he suddenly felt very uncomfortable, but he had to tell the man, maybe it might help his friend.

"There is one thing more that happened at the ranch. Actually it is the reason why Van Chen raped Murdock so... so brutally... I was left in the room with Murdock, Van Chen had whipped him in front of us as I told you... I could not stand seeing Murdock suffer so much and the General had told me want he wanted from Murdock. I even offered myself, but Van Chen wanted Murdock, because Murdock had lasted longer than any of his victims had before. Murdock had suffered the greatest and he gave the sadist so much... pleasure. I asked Murdock if he could do it if he thought of someone else, it did not matter who. But he said he couldn't, he was tired of it, he could not take anymore and he was too weak... In the year before Murdock was captured by Van Chen, we had become closer than ever. He had changed since our trial, he became more serious. He tired of his games with B.A., you know how he got himself released from here, and he had to fend for himself. Oh, he was still as crazy as ever, but it was more serious and he became more involved with women, I'll even admit I got a bit jealous of him. Then we faced a situation that was between just me and him, it hurt him. He knew I had a sister and that the man we were guarding at the time was my real father, but he had been forced not to tell me. Then my father... died, and he had to tell me himself... Since then we became close... At the ranch, it was me he talked to about what happened to him in Vietnam. He hallucinated that I was Van Chen and tried to kill me, Hannibal saved me and it hurt Murdock to think he had tried to kill me. He tried to apologize and I reacted with fear. Then suddenly he invited me to go for a walk and at the waterhole he had an urge to go for a swim and did. He also convinced me to join him and we had lots of fun. It also loosened him up, we were both out of the water and he told me he didn't think any woman would want him because of his back. He thought that would turn them off. Then I found him staring at me, he told me that Van Chen had made him kill us in horrible ways. He made him believe it and then his demands for love. Murdock tried to submit to him, but Van Chen still knew it was a lie... Then when Van Chen came to the ranch and he left me and Murdock together... I wanted so much to help him... to help put an end to his suffering. I -- I showed him that he could at least try... I told him to think of someone else and I... I showed him that it could be done."

The doctor remained quiet through it all, then he was thoughtful.

"What are your feelings towards Murdock now?"

"Why?"

"Because it might be important later, if Murdock remembers."

Face felt acutely uncomfortable again.

"Listen, it may be very important to him. He has already told you he's insecure where women are concerned, that won't change."

"But what happened then... It just happened. I wanted to help him."

"You went through with it though."

"I...I."

"You did it out of love."

Face squirmed. He had only meant to tell the story to the doctor, not the way he felt. And right then he was not completely sure of his feelings. He could easily admit that he loved Murdock as a friend or a brother, but a lover?"

"I did what I had to do to help him."

"Have you thought of the consequences?"

"Consequences?"

"How he would feel. You said you took it from a look from him. How did he describe you before?"

Face was confused. "Look Doc, I'm not that way inclined." He got up and walked out. 

Once out he sighed, things had gotten heavier than he wanted and now he regretted giving up his secret. But it did stir him into thought. Murdock was the kind of guy who would try anything. And Face suddenly recalled saying to Murdock when he was made up as a woman, that he thought Murdock looked better as a woman.

Face joined the Colonel in Murdock's room.

"Nice conversation, Face?"

"I just thought I had something to add, that's all... Hannibal, have you thought about what we will do when Murdock comes around."

"Not yet."

"But things will never be the same anymore." 

The Colonel gave him a curious look.

"Well, look at the jobs we've done in the past year. We used to enjoy what we did, now it's all for the money. And it was all routine stuff. There was no fun in it. I always missed the banter, I missed the craziness that was there before. It was not the same without him. Now Murdock many never be the same again."

The Colonel remembered. "That doesn't mean we've lost it."

"But what if we can't come back. We never planned on anything like this happening. We never really thought about what we'd do if one of us was lost. That was always a danger and we came close a few times. And I did have the dream of settling down one day."

"And what would you do Face?"

Face squirmed again. Everyone was throwing deep questions at him.

"I don't know," he mumbled.

"Well, I gotta go Face. But I reckon we'll work everything out in time. We've all been together too long to start thinking about breaking up. You gonna stay here awhile?"

"Yes, I'll stay." His eyes fell on Murdock. By the time he turned back the Colonel was gone.

His mind kept going back to his talk with the doctor as he watched his sleeping friend. Without thinking he found himself right beside Murdock.

"Will things ever be the same Murdock? Will the pain ever end?"

Pain, its meaning struck him suddenly. There had been a lot of it in his life. But the main source came from one place. A place called Vietnam. It was a nightmare kaleidoscope of horror and death. And yet it also gave him the only people he really cared about and loved. It also gave him the man he hated and had killed.

Face gasped. Then recovering his senses, he yelled for the nurse.

Murdock had opened his eyes.

Face went back to his bedside, confused as to what to do. Murdock seemed to focus on him a few seconds then closed his eyes again.

"Murdock, Murdock," Face shook him in an effort to keep him there.

The nurse came in and he told her about Murdock. She checked him quickly, "Stay with him." Then she hurried out. 

Face continued to urge Murdock back then the doctor came in with the nurse.

He checked Murdock, "He is conscious. Did he say anything?"

"No, nothing. He just opened his eyes." Face stood there feeling helpless.

The doctor tried to bring Murdock to his senses, but the patient refused. The doctor gave up finally, yet he seemed hopeful.

"It's a good sign. Give him time, he'll come out of it when he wants to."

Murdock listened, identifying things. He knew he was in a hospital somewhere, somewhere that felt familiar. But Face was there, openly there. Somehow that did not seem right and he did not know why.

He began to wonder why he was in a hospital. He couldn't feel any bad pain anywhere and he couldn't remember anything that had happened before being there. Everything he could think of was confusing.

He opened his eyes and Face was still there, his back facing him. He tried to call out, but his throat constricted with the effort.

Face turned around and saw him. In a rush he was at his side.

"Murdock, do you hear me? Hold on, please. I'll get the doctor."

Murdock shook his head and his hand reached to keep Face from leaving.

"All right, I won't go, just don't go out on me, again."

Murdock gave him a curious look.

"You scared the hell out of me before. It's been too long. There were times I thought you would never come back."

Murdock was still puzzled. He did not know what Face was talking about. And he still could not talk.

"The doctor can explain things better than me."

Murdock let him go. He wanted to know what was happening.

"Well hello, Murdock," began the doctor, "So we've decided to join the world again. You're probably confused, wondering why your voice doesn't work. Well I can answer that. You know what catatonia is?"

Murdock nodded.

"You have been in a catatonic state for over a year now. I won't tell you now of the things that might have brought you to that state, we don't know the whole thing ourselves. We just want you to relax, I'm sure your mind is in rather a confused state. But you must rest and take it easy, don't exert yourself."

The doctor moved away, spoke a moment with the nurse and left.

Face had stood in the background watching. Thinking he would like to know what Murdock remembered. A little part of his mind played a line from Hannibal. "The mind is a funny thing, Face. Sometimes it tries to protect us from something by blocking out unpleasant experiences." The Colonel was talking about Murdock then blocking out Morrison's death. Would Murdock block out Van Chen's death and the things that led to it?

Face stayed with Murdock for a while longer before leaving. His own mind in turmoil. They had Murdock back, but to what? He had so many questions in his mind. He could not see what the future could hold and that worried him.

Murdock had his voice the next day. He had a very long conversation with the doctor who had a better understanding of his patient. When the Colonel and Face returned he asked to see them first.

"I have spoken all morning with Murdock. His memories are very confused and I can see why. A lot of his fantasy world is mixed up with his sense of reality. And he does not know why. Yet the most important thing I have found, is that he has blocked out Vietnam and that is really confusing to him. You see, he remembers you two and B.A. and Frankie, he can't remember how you got together or why you were always running from the military police. Then he wants to know why he is in hospital and why he became catatonic. I wanted to speak with you because of this. We have to decide on how to proceed, whether to help him fill in the gaps which will awaken the memories or let him go on as he is. Now both ways are dangerous, we could lose him again, especially seeing that he holds the key to what sent him over the edge... You are the people closest to him and you Colonel, are his legal guardian, it is up to you to decide." 

"You don't leave us with much, Doc," remarked Hannibal and he looked to Face.

"Whatever you decide, Colonel."

Hannibal sat in thought for a while, "I can say that we tell him about Vietnam and see what happens. I think I'd rather know what we are pushing him into."

"Very well. I will leave that up to you, as you know it. But take it slowly guide into remembrance, and never, never push it."

Face came into the room about a week later, to find Murdock out of bed and staring out the barred window. Much had happened in that week. Murdock had nearly all of his memory back. But not all.

He walked over to join Murdock.

"Are you okay?"

"Oh sure Face, I was just thinking."

"What about?"

"Death."

Face took alarm, Murdock saw it.

"Oh no, Face, I'm not thinking about killing myself again. It doesn't work anyway... No, I was thinking about the time Van Chen took you back to the barn and came back for me... He was gone for so short a time that at first I was relieved. He didn't have time to hurt you. But then I put the short time down to him killing you three and taking off. That is why... why I wanted to kill myself... I could not live with you and the Colonel dead."

Face immediately knew he had the key. Murdock turned and faced him. "I forgive you for saving me, Face. But tell me why you did it. I must know... the truth."

Face stared at him a moment, knowing he could not lie, "I suppose I could not live if you were dead either."

Murdock smiled, it was his warm and completely open smile. Then he dropped it and turned away. "Have you thought about it, Face? Have you thought about what you... gave me?"

"Gave you?"

"Yes. You see Face, that last night alone with Van Chen, I did what you said... I imagined he was someone else. I imagined he was... you."

"Murdock --"

"No wait, Face, let me finish. I can understand that what you did, you did to help me to get my mind working, so I could escape from Van Chen. Anything else I might have imagined was simply that, my imagination. But I feel different... I don't think I could ever love... anyone else."

Face did not know what to say or what to feel. Murdock was offering something he was not sure he could take. 

"Things will never be the same for me, Face," continued Murdock. "I am trying to live with the fact that I am a murderer. Don't say I'm not because I know what I did and it was murder. It was cold blooded and it was one of the most satisfying things I have ever done in my life, and the most sickening. I came down to his level and wallowed in it. Sometimes I wish I could be locked up and I wouldn't want outsiders to know about... everything else. I need a direction in my life now. Any real direction."

Face left the hospital feeling lousy. He knew what Murdock wanted and yet he could not make that commitment. 

And he thought of the consequences to Murdock, should he refuse him outright. That maybe he would lose him forever. He did not want that to happen either.

Stockwell showed up the next day and the Colonel called Face to his place. Apparently the General had something to show them.

"These tapes arrived a week ago. Now, if I had not guards on anything bearing Van Chen's name on it, these could have fallen into the wrong hands. I have... viewed them and I think you should also. It concerns Captain Murdock."

The pair watched the first tape. It was of Murdock's torture in Vietnam, apparently Van Chen had recorded the whole thing. They let the tape play all the way through, though there were many parts that they turned away from.

The second tape was of Murdock's breaking, of what he told Van Chen. In that were parts of Murdock's life the two had never know, all his private secrets were laid bare. Including a fantasy involving Face. Stockwell stared at Face during this, but the Colonel did not even bat an eye. But it was the Colonel's turn to be shocked when he learned the truth about Ellen and her relationship to Face.

Stockwell took the tape out of the machine. The third one sat next to it, but he let it sit. What they had already seen had left them stunned. This was the threat Van Chen had held back from Murdock. The thing Murdock had been afraid of.

Much of it could be used against Murdock, some of it against the team, and Stockwell.

Face stole into the living room. The tape sat beside the machine. The third one still untouched. Face's eyes held it as he sat down. He was afraid of it, afraid of what he might see or what he might feel.

He turned on the machine and the TV, and his hand touched the tape. In one quick spurt he took the tape put an put it in the machine and watched it.

He sat very still and made himself feel detached from what he saw. It was a video tape, like watching some movie, one that turned out to be very pornographic.

Van Chen took great delight in having Murdock and driving him into various fantasies as he did so. Yet when Van Chen was satiated for a while, he worked on Murdock's mind and Face listened as Van Chen made Murdock describe how he would kill his friends. Whoever was taking the pictures zoomed in on Murdock's eyes as he spoke. They were the eyes of some pained wild creature, taunted beyond reasoning, Face hoped he would never see those eyes personally.

The descriptions were too horrible to imagine and Murdock seemed to revel in the way he would destroy Stockwell. They were always slow painful ways of killing and Face could hear Van Chen muttering, sighing and relishing in what he heard. The man really did get his kicks out of someone else's pain.

Face could not remember how his friend had described killing him. It had somehow gone in one ear and out the other. Yet he had a very sick feeling in his stomach.

Then Murdock turned to Face where Van Chen was watching almost directly at the camera and he began to describe how he would go about killing Van Chen.

Face remembered the room in the ghost town with the blood everywhere. Blood was a feature of Murdock's description, but as Murdock began to smile with the ecstasy of his image. Van Chen came into the picture and beat Murdock to the ground.

Face was finally forced to turn away as Van Chen proceeded to punish Murdock, attacking every part of his body with hands, sticks, whips, electric prods, interspersed with various rapes where he not only used his body, but other things.

Face turned the tape off with the cries of pain echoing in his mind and he sat back, his eyes on the static screen and the static sound.

Suddenly he got up and ran outside into the garden. He wanted to scream. He was glad Van Chen was dead.

The Colonel was beside him and yet it took him a long time to look up and realize it.

"How long have you been out here?" the Colonel asked.

Face realized that the sun had come up without his even noticing it.

"I don't know. I... just needed to be in the air. Hours maybe... It was dark when I..."

"You watched the third tape."

Face nodded and let his head fall on his knees.

"Let's get something to eat. We still have to see what Stockwell is going to do."

Face accepted the Colonel's hand up and followed him inside.

They ate in silence until Face decided the need to talk.

"Colonel, have you seen the third tape?"

"Yes Face, I've seen it. All that took place before we found Murdock."

"He's been through so much. It's not fair. It's just not fair."

"We all knew there were risks in our kind of work, Face. None of us ever thought about the consequences of being captured alone, especially back in 'Nam. Yet even after our first time there, we pulled through it and I believe we can do it again."

"Colonel, I've got something to do and I'd rather not see Stockwell. I'll meet you later at the hospital."

Face pulled up in the car park and sat for a while in the 'vette, trying to sort out his tangled emotions. He knew that there was no changing the past. It had happened and they would all have to live with it.

He took a deep breath and walked inside. He did not acknowledge anyone who knew him, he just walked on straight to that one room.

Murdock was standing up by the window and he turned around as Face came in. Face came half way between them and stopped, staring at him.

Murdock cocked his head to the side in wonderment. Then Face came closer, took Murdock's face between his hands and kissed him.

A few minutes later hospital staff were running everywhere. It sounded like one of the patients was in terrible pain. But they reached the room to find Murdock lying on his bed looking stunned at so much attention and Face making a careful examination of his fingernails.

On the way out one of the nurses remarked upon what she had heard, "I've heard that sound before. If you ask me it sounded like Howlin' Mad is back. God help us."

Hannibal reached the hospital and heard about the commotion. He hurried to Murdock's room, but he found it empty except for a note on the pillow.

"Back in a couple of days. Having a little vacation before you get one of your plans together, Face."

The Colonel smiled and left. He had plans to make and they would need a job to do.

At Crystal Lake Murdock lay rapped in Face's arms. They were they wanted to be and for Murdock's peace of mind, it was where they would stay.

* * *


End file.
